Was thinking of giving up something for lent, even tho it's not my religion...mom says give up cheese. It's not a bad idea only because my immediate response was "hell no." I guess that wouldn't work anyway at this point since I had some earlier today...oops. 

Hmmm, what to give up?

Maybe Kevin. 


There goes my focus.

I better go see my therapist soon and get back on track. 

Going out for a late-birthday brunch with a couple of friends in a few. 

But first, the thought occurred to me, out of no-where this morning, that had my family not come to America and made money, I would have done more with my life. Now wait, I'm not saying I haven't done a lot, and I'm not saying that I won't do more! Nor am I using this as an excuse. I'm simply saying, that for me, the harder something is (something I really want), the more I'm inclined to do it. The fact that I have so much in my life seems to have made me a lazy ass, who sits around all day wondering what she should do/study/try/examine next. I'm beyond blessed but I don't take advantage of it. Perhaps it's just my personality. I like the challenge and yet, I shy away from it. Hmmm....something to think about when I have the time. I better go get dressed and get moving.

My Technology is Out to Get Me
The scroll function on my touchpad isn't working. I've tried everything but uninstalling and reinstalling the synoptics drive. Hate messing with drives, but what the hell else can I do?

Now, my itouch isn't being recognized by either my old laptop, or my new laptop, and I tried everything under the sun to try and make it work. I mean, I won't lose much, because I very recently backed everything up onto my external hard-drive. Thing is, I have no idea if my apps were backed up. Again, not a big deal. I just wish my tech would stop fighting me. 

Have I mentioned my laptop seems to lag a bit now when it's opening a page?
And that my cell seems to be getting stuck a little more often then usual?

Sigh. None of this is a big deal. I kinda want my touchpad to work properly again. I'm not gonna wish for it...saving my wishes for much bigger, non-materialistic sort of stuff :)

Like, perhaps my back can cut the crap and just work? I would really like that. 

Daily Log
That's some crazy rain that's pouring down. People caught walking with their kids outside aren't even bothering to run; what's the point? They were soaked the second the heaven's opened up. Ah. And just like that it's over. I'm sure it'll start up again at some point tonight. Sweet music to my dreaming brain. I love sleeping to the sound of rain.

My knees don't appreciate this rain, my back, however, seems to have relaxed quite a bit. Enough, in fact, that I'm going back to work tomorrow to see if I can hack it. I did a little bit of practice today and I seem to be ok with the exception of a slight spasm here and there. So why not try a semi full day back and see what happens.

In other news, I'm searching for a writing program, outside of microsoft word. Anyone have any suggestions?

Writer's block
It can't be called writers block if you haven't started writing. And I KEEP telling myself I will, and I keep on not doing it. Well, now I'm stuck at home for a few days, can't go to work, and tho I can read and go hang out with friends, my friends have jobs, and I feel the need to be productive anyway. 

After this I'm going to go through my clothing and shoes and start bagging stuff up for donation. I've put quite a few things aside already, but there's so much more I just don't need. And since I've been getting rid of things and realizing, hey, my life has indeed not ended, then I think perhaps this time I'll actually make a significant dent. And hopefully, I'll have room in drawers and closets for the stuff I do use on a regular basis so that I'm not cramming things in here and there every time I do laundry. 

Anyway, I just read a short article on Lifehacker about writers block. Can't have it, cuz I haven't actually started writing. But part of the article stuck with me. Basically, write. If you're stuck, just write. Anything. Do it every day. Until you're muse comes back to haunt you and you can continue on whatever you had gotten stuck on previously. Point being that the more you write the better you'll get at it, and so there you have it. 

This was just a short experiment in writing. Which I will do every day. And since I'm here I might as well say that I went ahead and attempted, very carefully, to walk the dog this morning and see if he pulled (which he does when he sees a squirrel or anything really that he can chase), would I be able to hang on to him without damaging myself. My brother came with, just in case. And we had a lovely walk. Dog didn't pull too much, but when he did it didn't affect me too badly, and my brother and I had a nice chat and caught up (it's been a while), and started to drizzle lightly and made it all the more lovelier. It seems to be cooling off a bit out there now. And a steady stream is coming from the gray clouds. Which will make it impossible to not curl up somewhere with a book, which would be SUCH a bad idea, because A: I wouldn't be productive and B: my back would make uncurling impossible.

On a last note: Shana Tova to all who are celebrating. May it be a healthy and happy new year only to be exceeded by the following year...and the one after that....and the one after that...and the one after that.......

Exceeded? Not sure that was the word I wanted. Hmmmm....

Life moves fast
Really really fast. My brother, Ari, in Israel has been complaining that ever since I got back from Scotland I haven't been able to stop and talk to him for more then 5 minutes. I didn't realize just how MIA i've been, unti he said that. I was shocked when I realized that I've been back for 3 weeks. 

There's so much I have been meaning to do...I've promised myself I'd work out every day, I've managed to work out just twice in 2 weeks. I do take the dog out every morning, but his walk lasts all of 10 minutes, before I'm home, making coffee, having breakfast with mom, showering and taking myself to work. I've been reading a lot. Somehow I always manage to find time to read (usually during the dead hours of work). I've read The Help (amazing, eye-opening, and heart-breaking all rolled into one); Ghost Story (12th in the Dresden Files, one of the best series EVER); Gideon Crew (new series by Preston & Child, pretty good); The Girl Who Chased The Moon (pretty good, still say Garden Spells was her best book yet); and currently reading Horns by Joe Hill (finally); next up is probably The Hunger Games. Anyway, so much I had to do and I've done nothing but read and work. And try to sleep. 

Some changes might be going down at work, could be bad, could be good. I have no idea. I'm exhausted half the time, half of my clothes from the trip (the clean half) are still sitting by the side of my bed. When I haven't been working I've been sleeping (sort of)...and still always feel tired. Yet I read. Actually, now that I think about it, I've gone to Brooklyn to hang out with a good friend. I've gone out east to see Memphis Crawl (a southern rockish sort of band, with a lead that can sing anything from Johnny Cash to AC/DC and make it sound pretty damn amazing). 

I guess I've actually been busy. And not just with work. But I feel like I'm also missing time. I'm sure my focus has something to do with that. I've caught myself wasting hours during a day, just wandering around the house lost in thought. Perhaps I have to up my coffee in-take. 

Tomorrow the plan is to actually get up early enough to walk the furball and get in my own work-out which I've been neglecting for quite some time. I managed to work out twice last week. That's weak. In the past I would have said, hey, twice is a start. Apparently that hasn't worked for me so far, so now I'm gonna say that twice is minimum and I need to start amping it up to at least 5 days a week. 

I think I'm starting to ramble. 

Time to get ready for bed. Which means watching an episode of something (probably Castle), packing food for tomorrow morning, and then  hopefully falling asleep. Oh wow, I really am rambling. That's the end of this transmission. 


Time for a change
Got a bill in the mail today that just sorta sucked the joy out of me. It was a bill from my ENT showing just how crappy our new insurance is at work. I loved my job. And I used to love where I worked, but things changed, as I knew they would. No place can stay such a homey, cozy place if they want to increase their income. So, as it was just a matter of time, we've finally reached that point. 

My job doesn't pay much, or at the very least, less then I'd make working elsewhere. But I liked it here, so I stayed for the past 2 years. I like my co-workers, liked the owners, etc. Now that things are changing and everything is growing, as most businesses do, it's kinda starting to suck. 

Here's my problem: if you're going to grow into a bigger business and become less a family one, you'll have to give me incentive to stay. I don't get paid as well as other places would pay, I don't get paid time off (in fact, you now want to give me shit when I try to take time off), I don't get sick days, or any bonuses, no pay raises or anything like that.....and now, you've switched to a cheaper insurance (which only means you'll be paying less, i'll still be paying the same amount). 

So, I've applied to a few positions, knownig that I'll be miserable there too, because the clients won't be as nice as my clients (no really, i have some of the best clients), and I'll miss working with my old co-workers...but I'll probably get paid more, and I may even have occasional pay raises, and maybe even good insurance. In the end, I'll still be unhappy, but about different things. At the very least, I'll be able to go to the doctor stress free. 

I already had plans to go to school to enhance my carreer. Whether it was to go in acupuncture, or physical therapy, or whatever, anything to keep this going. I just really wasn't planning on doing it so soon.

All of this makes me very very sad. 

Describe myself? Impossible.
I recently agreed to start a small project with a friend of mine. To start it off we needed a small bio of ourselves. I almost lost my mind trying to write myself. I'm good at writing others. Me? Not so much. Then I remembered an opening to The Monk, a book I had read a long time ago. I don't remember the whole piece but one part stuck and, surprisingly, I still have it memorized. That one little part is such a perfect description of who I am and, in some ways, who I'm trying not to be...point being, I couldn't possibly have written myself any better. 

Now, I don't know if our little project will ever come to fruition. And I don't remember if I ever posted that piece here, but it's so wonderfully written that it would be a shame not to share it. I've copied the part that I believe embodies me the most, but of course, feel free to look it up and read it within context.

For now, here's me...for better or worse. 

 I am one, the enquirer teach,

Nor very poor, nor very rich;

Of passions strong, of hasty nature,
Of graceless form and dwarfish stature;
By few approved, and few approving;
Extreme in hating and in loving;

 Abhorring all whom I dislike,

Adoring who my fancy strike;
In forming judgements never long,
And for the most part judging wrong;
In friendship firm, but still believing
Others are treacherous and deceiving,
And thinking in the present aera
That Friendship is a pure chimaera:
More passionate no creature living,
Proud, obstinate, and unforgiving,
But yet for those who kindness show,
Ready through fire and smoke to go.

Hague, Oct. 28, 1794.                     M. G. L.

Once again, I remind you that within those words there are things I strive every day NOT to be (or not to believe). For example, I try not to judge. When I do, it's immediate. And as it says above, I usually come away feeling like an ass because I was dead wrong.

Also, I've come across some people who have mentioned that parts of this piece have been plagiarized. Below is a link to the whole piece, plus some explanation as to what parts may have been plagiarized and from where. 


Should be vacuuming...

...but I got caught in front of my laptop. 

Back is killing me, and it's high time I went to see a doctor. Or my friend's chiropractor. Either way, it's been hurting going on almost 3 weeks now. Massage hasn't helped (tho it's reduced the muscle spasms so that I'm able to work). I can't tell if it's an SI joint issue or perhaps a compression in the spine, but it's constant and doesn't seem to want to give me a break today. Last 2 days it was actually a little better. Pain killers don't so much help, so yea...doctor should be on a the list of to do's sometime soon. 

Otherwise, it's a beautiful day out here today. I've spent most of it indoors, though the furball did get his walk this morning so that got me out for a bit. After that, I did some weights and my cardio with my friend on skype :), had breakfast, grabbed the furball and shoved him in the shower, washed him then myself, put away some clothes,and started a load of laundry. Vacuuming was supposed to come next. Then cleaning out the car and going to the car wash (and putting some air in that back tire, cause it's a bit deflated). A trip to the post office was a maybe on that list. Doubtful it'll happen. 

I'm scheduled to cover a few hours at work tonight for a co-worker. As of right now, I have no appointments. I won't complain if I don't get anything, but I don't want to go in for just one appt either...so I'm hoping that I'll either get none, or at least 2 (at most 3 cuz my back is being special today).

Washed furball just planted his still wet butt underneath me by the couch, his fur is touching my foot making it all that much harder to actually get up and get motivated. What is it about breathing fur that makes us lazy? Oops, just scared the life out of him by moving my foot. I think he may have actually been dozing. 

Ok, furball gone. Time to get to vacuuming. Maybe reward myself with some frozen yogurt after the car wash :)


Backstage with Journey and Foreigner
Got a chance to work backstage at Jones Beach Theater last night, as the massage therapist for Journey, Foreigner, and NightRanger (remember them!?)

Weather was absolutely perfect for a beach day, and I so wish I had spent that morning ON the beach itself, alas, I had a doctors appt, so I had to give up on that idea. Besides, I would have been sweaty and gross afterwards, and that's not a way to go to work. Still, being able to at least stand outside on the little ledges off of Nikon Theater, and watching the water, the sun set, and the crowds in the VIP lounge. 

I had a little room upstairs to set up in when I came up, right next to Journey's dressing and vocal warm up rooms. Once set up it was time to get some people on the table. Unfortunately, once the bands arrive, I can no longer work on crew, and must stay open in case a band member comes calling. Luckily, a few of them did, including Jack (lead singer of NightRanger). When it got a little quiet I ran down to catering to grab something to eat real quick, and just as I made it back to my room to see if anyone had come calling, I was whisked away to go work on Mick Jones. Now, in my head, he was still this young dude from the 70s. He's a perfect gentleman and very zen for all the madness going on around him. 

Afterwards, things got quiet. I watched some of the performances by Foreigner and Journey, and went upstairs to work every now and again. After the show I worked on Arnel (lead singer of Journey) who sounds amazing on that stage (i mean, how the hell did they find someone that can sing just like Steve Perry??). He's SUCH a nice guy and was so very appreciative of the work I did and for staying late to do so. 

Late night, and I believe I've caught a bit of a cold, but a truly awesome time all around. Can't believe I've been so lucky to land these gigs, and can't possibly be any more thankful :)


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